Self-Love does NOT make you a Narcissist

I believe the key to the Universe and a happy life is Radical Self-Love. Well, and good sleep. Self-love does not mean arrogance, narcissism, self-absorption or lacking in love or compassion for others. It means being in the fullness of love. It means that your well is full and continually being filled.

A fully sourced well can offer refreshment to others without drought. Lacking self-love is a dry well leading to illness and unhappiness. Fill your well to overflowing.

I sometimes have joked about being reluctantly human. I acknowledge many amazing things about my life and living on this planet. I have witnessed exquisite beauty in the natural world. I’ve experienced the effects of profoundly touching music and art. I have been immersed in deeply mystical experiences.  But, I must admit that I’ve also found this human life to be very hard and dissatisfying sometimes. Early in my life I thought that self-love was a ridiculous impossibility.

I was wrong. I was wrong about the incomprehensible power of Radical Self-Love. For several years now I have been studying and changing myself and my work. Full self-love still seemed insurmountable but I became clear that in it lies happiness.

In self-love lies salvation. In self-love lies Universal love. In self-love lies healing for myself and others. In self-love lies awakening. I discovered that self-love was possible. I discovered it to be our natural state of being if we can just remember it.

Self-love is available to everyone essentially because we all come from the same Source, which is love. Quantum physicists have shown that there is a field of infinite possibility in which our lives are embedded. This field gives us access to everything. We attract what matches our vibration. We reach the higher states of being and joy and love by raising our consciousness and energy frequency.

Many people feel guilty about loving themselves fearing that it is arrogant or unspiritual. Many feel that it is only virtuous to love others. Those with Christian roots recognize the powerful commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself” from the book of Mark. We see this as an admonition to focus on others, as a virtue and on self, as a vice. I would argue that it is much easier to love others. If you can love others, then the love must come home to the self. I also suggest that our love for others ultimately is limited by the degree of love for ourselves.

The real teaching on this from all the great spiritual traditions focuses on Radical Acceptance and Radical Love beginning with an overflowing well of self-love. The teachings boil down to “love everything”.

The all-encompassing power of love seems to be one of the things we forget as very young children like we forget our true essence. We get caught up in the illusions of time, space, and living a human life. Quickly we learn to focus on what is lacking in ourselves, others, and life. It’s a funny creative arrangement.

Many spiritual teachers refer to this human life as “earth school”. The belief is that we are here to evolve our Souls by remembering our true essence and to see through the layers of illusion in this existence.

As we bring our awareness to discern Truth, we peel away layers of confusion. We gradually learn to see, feel, and hear ourselves and others with greater honesty and clarity. We practice loving the things that are easy (friends, pets, sunsets, food, nature, music etc…).

We cultivate the feelings and gradually include ourselves in the feelings. We practice appreciating our bodies and minds. We begin appreciating all we’ve learned from difficulties. We begin letting go of judgments of self and others.

Slowly, we purposefully look for ways to love more and more things about ourselves. We purposefully choose to offer ourselves compassion in the difficult times. We hug ourselves to sleep and nurture ourselves awake. A friend of mine says something brilliant, “Self-care is sexy”. Self-care is a path to self-love. I discovered that Salsa dancing is also a path to self-love but that’s another post.

Each degree we are able to grow our self-love, our love ripples out into the world raising the well-being of everyone. Loving yourself powers your ability to love everyone and everything which is the only way to heal this world.

Self-love is the key to the Universe and a happy life.


Photo by Bekah Russom on Unsplash

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